Whole
by madbutterfly
Summary: Eri knows that she won't feel whole until she can be with Shiki once again. Set during Week One of the Game.


**Heee. First thing I've posted in a while! Originally inspired by 'Scattered' by Green Day, and then I started listening to something else that made it take a different turn.**

**This started of Shiki's POV, then Neku, then... Eri. Ta-da! Hmm. I'm not sure if this will turn out how I want it to, I've never really written Eri before. :/**

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I sit on my bedroom floor staring at what I have spread out in front of me.

These photographs used to make me feel sad.

They don't anymore though.

I suppose I'm past feeling sad.

That said, it's almost like I'm past feeling _anything_ these days.

Well hey, that is better than it was just after Shiki died. I felt like I was being torn in two every moment of every day. What was I supposed to do without her? Maybe this numb feeling is better for me.

I slowly mix the photos around a bit with my hand, like that will help reveal some new ones to look at.

They are nearly all of me and Shiki, sometimes with another one of our friends, sometimes just one of us. I never realised I had so many pictures of us two together! I suppose we really were inseparable... I never really thought about it before now. I just... took her for granted...

Oh, why did I have to tell her she wasn't meant to be a designer? I mean, it came out all wrong. I just meant to tell her that she would be better at being a seamstress rather than a designer. We work as two halves of a whole. I mean, I couldn't do it without her... I can't sew to save my life. I'll have to give up my dream of us working as a partnership now. I never thought of that. Without Shiki, I can't even have a dream anymore.

And we didn't even part on good terms, I don't think.

She was so upset.

I'm such an idiot. I should have apologised right away so she knew I was sorry! I was going to apologise the next day... but... but she was already gone... I should have run straight after her and told her I was sorry and explain what I really meant.

It's strange, though. It doesn't feel like she's really gone at all. Just the other day, I was talking to Mina and I suddenly felt like Shiki was with me, all of a sudden, watching us! But then again... we were talking about her at the time... that's probably what triggered it. It was nice and a bit creepy at the same time.

Nice because it felt like Shiki was around, and that is what I need most of all right now.

Creepy because she's dead. The dead don't come back to life and I don't believe in ghosts.

That night I went home and started thinking about how she was like my guardian angel in life and maybe she was in death too! That thought made me smile at first, and then burst into tears. It was very hard to muffle them enough that my parents didn't hear and come to see what was wrong. Especially Dad. He's worried about me and pays more attention to what I do now. He says it's because I've changed.

Of course I've changed! How can I be the same without Shiki here?! I will never be the same now.

Even just looking at these pictures is making something in the pit of my stomach knot and my chest tightens. I realise that I'm crying despite the numbness. I still don't feel sad. Just desperate, I suppose.

It's strange. I depended on her and I didn't even realise it.

At least I can still put up a relatively normal front to people who I don't know so well. Saves me from having to explain myself to people who ask what's wrong. Everything's wrong, I don't know where to start and I don't _want_ to start.

I know I'll never feel whole until I can be reunited with Shiki once more.

I guess I'll have to wait for my life to end before that happens.

For now I'll settle for thoughts of guardian angels and ghosts in the street.

They'll keep me going.

I'll wait for as long as I need to.

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**Well, that was not really what I was going for, but meh.**

**Review the thing. Please. Even if it's just one word or somethin', I don't care. Just tell me what you think. Don't be lazy.**

**Read over once; sorry for any mistakes. I will correct them as soon as possible if I spot any I missed.**


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